Book 27 of 2011

While my wife watched a show about housewives, I finished this book.

27) The Score (Parker Novels) by Richard Stark

Never having been one for crime or detective novels, I saw that this one was on sale for the low, low price of absolutely nothing for the Amazon Kindle. (It still is, as of this writing, by the way.) This is about as blank a state as I've ever approached a book, which is especially notable for one that is number five in a series. My problem is that I always want to start on the first book of any series so I don't feel lost, but I took a chance here and it paid off since the lack of knowledge wasn't a hindrance. These aren't meant to be read in any specific order that I can tell, and any references to previous books didn't stand out enough that they needed an explanation. A new reader doesn't need to know anything other than Parker, the main character, is a gruff, deliberate, no-nonsense, professional criminal. The rest explains itself.

The important thing is that the book is good, even if it's a little dated now, having first been published in 1964. The plan is to rob an entire town. The story builds appropriately, involves a few colorful characters and pays off with a suitable twist that doesn't feel like a cheat. It's not high literature, but it's an enjoyable story that pays itself off and provides a character I wouldn't mind revisiting. In reading up on the Parker series, I found that the first book serves as the inspiration for the movie Payback, starring famous nutcase Mel Gibson, which I really enjoy, so...good job, this book!

My only criticism actually comes in the Kindle layout of the book. There were a few spelling/grammatical errors as well as some problems with the layout where dialogue between two characters is formatted as one paragraph more than once. Again, the book was free, so I'm not complaining so much as warning anyone hoping to read this particular version that those kind of things might make the reading experience confusing.

COMICS and Costumes

With DC's relaunch of their entire line of titles, I decided to pick a few of them up to test the waters of reading comics on a regular basis again since I'd given up the habit and switched to trade paperbacks for the last few years due to the cost of individual titles. Not surprisingly, comics are still expensive and for some unknown reason that I'm sure DC and Marvel will both regret given the hindsight of enough time, they charge the same price for issues digitally. But having a solid, new jumping-on point for an increasingly insular and serialized world helps, thus COMICS.

Action Comics - Grant Morrison is my favorite writer, and he's attempting to bring Superman back to his Golden Age roots where he fought for the poor and downtrodden against the wealthy and powerful. Unfortunately, this has also led to a costume downgrade where he merely wears a t-shirt and jeans with work boots and a cape...and that's strange. I'm not a huge fan of Rags Morales doing the art duties, but I'm intrigued enough in a somewhat depowered Superman that isn't Smallville that I'll stick around for as long as Morrison steers the ship.

Batwing - The dialogue is corny, but I enjoy that Batman is helping establish a global identity for his brand of justice, establishing that the Batman Inc. storyline from a few months ago isn't entirely dead.

Stormwatch - This felt like writer Paul Cornell was breaking the cardinal rule of writing of "show not tell." There was way too much expository dialogue that didn't really explain all that much. There's no problem with dropping the reader in on the middle of a story and allowing them to catch up, but this issue didn't present the opportunity for that catching up. There was a lot of standing around and talking, but without witty dialogue and then very little action.

Batgirl - This...this was awful. Batgirl is portrayed as weak and ineffectual, her roommate is right out of Stock Modern Hippie Characters 101, and the villain is stupid. Plus, the police are stupid, especially in the final scene. DC made a lot of waves in taking Barbara Gordon out of her wheelchair-bound persona of Oracle and placing her back in the cape and cowl of Batgirl, and even that was glossed over in a lazy fashion. However, in the comic's defense, it wasn't the WORST thing I read this week.

Detective Comics - This was the absolute worst thing I read this week. Jim Lee's redesign barely works when it's drawn by Jim Lee, and it completely misses every mark when drawn by anyone else. NOT EVERYONE IS GOOD AT DRAWING UNNECESSARY SEAMS, JIM LEE! However, the art is better than the nonsensical story, which is filled with an over-the-top climactic scene at the end that literally saw me say "Ew...!" A review I read described this as an issue of Spawn where someone went through the script and just did a Find and Replace on Microsoft Word to insert Batman and the Joker's names. On top of that, none of the characterization felt true to the core of the characters. The Joker has friends? What? Has writer Tony Daniel ever heard of the Joker? I'm glad I had to buy this digitally because that allows me to delete the issue and never have to read it again.

Justice League International - My big problem with the launch of Justice League last week was the fact that it had seven characters on the cover, three and a half of which show up in the actual issue. The whole thing amounted to a Green Lantern/Batman conversation with Superman showing up acting like a jerk on the last two pages while Cyborg isn't recognizable as his namesake. It takes time to introduce these characters, you say? Well, not according to Justice League International, which does a fine job of introducing each person, gives them distinct personality quirks and creates an intriguing arc of playing Booster Gold as the leader of the team because he's an easily manipulated patsy. This is not rocket science and it's been done before to great success in the past. Justice League, take a cue from your B-team, and get it together.

Animal Man - The art is appropriately keeping a foot in two worlds by presenting Animal Man as a down-to-Earth superhero who's been out of the game for a little while while also managing to up the creep factor when he enters a dream sequence. This felt like everything an Animal Man comic should be by making him a relatable family man, an animal rights activist, and a superhero greatly in tune with his power. Animal Man wins the week.

Frosh
Last Monday, August 29, you took the Animal Farm re-test. This is next on my list of things to grade as soon as I finish up the dialectical journals.

On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, August 30 through September 1, we discussed everything Animal Farm. While you were given a list of discussion questions, I focused more on the questions you had first and foremost. The answers you provided still wound up covering much of the information that I would have liked to have covered had we just focused on the given questions. This is one of those occasions where everyone wins. You also turned in your annotated Animal Farm books

Then on that same Thursday and the following Friday, September 2, we began covering the Jane Shaffer essay terms.

This past Tuesday, we completed those terms and I assigned the Animal Farm plot chart which you worked on for the rest of the period. By the way, the climax is when Boxer gets taken away to the slaughter house. It's at that point that everyone has their dreams crushed, and the animals are resigned to a life similar to or worse than the one that Jones provided previously. Soul crushing, right?

Wednesday and Thursday, you watched The Russian Revolution in Color, the content of which is self-explanatory to anyone paying attention to the title. You took notes on the aspects of history that you could connect to the plot of the book.

You're going to use those notes to complete two chunks (a concrete detail sentence followed by two commentary sentences) on two separate Animal Farm characters where you compare what happened in the book to the events of the Russian Revolution. Depending on your class period today, we created at least one chunk on Old Major and either started or completed one on Mr. Jones. The two chunks are due Monday, September 12.

Seniors
Our look at philosophy continued on Monday, August 29, when we discussed Plato and Aristotle in depth. The thing to remember about those two and Socrates is the following: Socrates asked why. Plato explained why. Aristotle explained how we got to why.

Tuesday, August 30, we read and (somewhat) discussed the Allegory of the Cave. It's amazing how relevant this remains almost two and a half millennia later. In fact, a recent story I first saw on Gizmodo discusses a very similar occurrence that happened recently. These lab chimps saw daylight for the very first time in over 30 years, and their reaction of joy and contentment is something to behold. Notice how they relish the moment and attempt to take everything in by looking around their new, natural surroundings. AND THEY HUG! I've probably watched that video five times just to see how happy the chimps are feeling the sun on their skin. It's amazing.

You took the first lit terms test on Wednesday, August 31. Retakes will be allowed on Monday, September 12, and Thursday, September 15.

We discussed the idea of the cave on Thursday, September 1, and you worked on the questions associated with Plato's dialogue.

Friday, September 2, you completed the first and easiest part of the lit project by having your book or order form for your book. We discussed annotation and how to be successful when attempting to annotate. Check out this list if you're ever confused.

• examples of lit terms in action (especially the proceeding three)
• motif
• theme
• symbol
• unfamiliar words (define them)
• commentary on what happens (explain your thoughts & opinions)
• important/notable passages (briefly explain why you think said passages are notable or important)
• character development (note new characters, character descriptions, or major changes to characters)
• ask questions (provide answers later, when possible)
• chapter summaries (describe three important things that happened)

This past Tuesday, you received the article selection guidelines and were asked to write an article selection-style precis on the Allegory of the Cave using MLA format. This serves as practice for the article selection assignments you'll be completing over the course of the lit project. The first of those is due Thursday, September 15.

Speaking of September 15, that's when you'll be taking your next lit terms test, the terms for which you received on Wednesday and Thursday. Once we finished going over those terms, you received time to read and annotate. Hopefully, you used that time productively. Here are the terms:

1. Symbol
2. External Conflict
3. Internal Conflict
4. Denotation
5. Antagonist
6. Protagonist
7. Point of View
8. Foreshadowing
9. 1^st person pov
10. 3^rd per. Limited
11. Dramatic Irony
12. Verbal Irony
13. Tone
14. Setting
15. Mood
16. Connotation
17. 3^rd per. Omniscient
18. Situational Irony
19. Irony
20. Simile

Today, the practice article selection assignment was due. After turning that in, we discussed advertising slogans, something to which no one is immune, myself included. As promised, here's a compilation of Mac Tonight commercials. Apparently, Mac has been revived in CGI form for a Singapore ad campaign that informs customers that McDonalds is now open 24 hours. Maybe he'll get a similar revival in the states sometime soon.

If you're interested in seeing a picture of me in that infamous costume, I posted one over at my Facebook page. You'll also find that my dad knew exactly where it was in the garage and fished it down. My mom is quite the craftswoman since that moon head has survived almost 24 years, which is pretty impressive for paper-mache and cardboard.

Ten on Tuesday (One Day Late)

1. Clearly, the "Ten on Tuesday" name shouldn't be taken too literally.

2. Finishing a post on Tuesday wasn't possible since yesterday was Back to School Night. This was the first Back to School Night in several years and I much prefer this format to the Report Card Night we've employed at Alta Loma High School for the past few years. I tried to address a few major points for each of my three different classes.

3. For journalism, I emphasized the idea that the Brave Times is a student run paper and that remaining timely and relevant are the staff's biggest priorities. Additionally, the main focus of the grading deals with whether or not someone has met their deadlines. A staff writer, for instance, needs to make sure to turn in each draft for both of his or her articles on time or there will be a 5% deduction of the possible points on that particular issue.

4. The emphasis for the seniors focused on the lit project. Besides the fact that everyone has to have a copy of their book by Friday, I also made sure that parents knew the lit project due dates would be posted on School Loop and that the project accounts for roughly 60% of the semester grade. Granted, it could be more and it could be less, as I don't like to lock myself into numbers like that on account of the fact that teaching English isn't an exact science. Also, puns!

5. The biggest turn out this year by far was in the Frosh Honors classes. My goal was to introduce myself and hopefully communicate my style and philosophy to the parents in the nine minutes allotted. I covered that we're smack dab in the middle of our Animal Farm unit and engaged in a fairly lively discussion earlier that day, as well as the fact that we'll (tentatively) be starting Fahrenheit 451 the week of September 26. Also notable was a parent's cell phone going off during the middle of the nine minute period immediately following my discussion about my cell phone policy where I ask students to sing a song in order to keep their phone. Said parent was very relieved that I did not ask for a jaunty tune.


6. Images from Zach Snyder's currently filming Superman reboot, Man of Steel, surfaced today and, wow, do I hate Henry Cavill's new costume. I've discussed my distaste for the new Spider-Man outfit, but, geez, removing the iconic red trunks from the Superman costume does not work in a real world setting. (And, while Cavill isn't wearing a cape in this picture, that's not a point of contention since it has appeared in pictures elsewhere which means that it was either removed between scenes or, knowing Snyder, will probably become a CGI eyesore later.) What works on the page does not always translate well to film, which is part of the reason that oft-referred-to spandex from the comics transmogrifies to stylized rubber on the silver screen. I'm not a stickler in the traditional sense that whatever appears in the source material automatically must make its way into the movie because that's just a road to unhappiness and discontent. It's a different medium, and as long as filmmakers stay true to the character concept, I accept and anticipate the changes they make as a means to allow the character to work in the new medium. Lots of people complain that "wearing the underwear on the outside" look of Superman, Batman and others turns the characters into cornballs that no one can take seriously. This is such a ridiculous argument: it's acceptable that a guy can fly and shoot lasers out of his eyes among other abilities, but trunks on the outside of a character's pants?! Oh, ho, Heavens to Betsy, you've destroyed my delicate suspension of disbelief. Those red trunks serve a purpose aesthetically because they force the eye towards the important part of Superman's outfit -- the symbolic S shield. Instead, there's now a giant blue blob that distracts from the fact that this guy represents truth, justice and the American way.


7. Speaking of costume changes, Justice League #1 hit comic book store shelves and digital newsstands everywhere today in DC's half-hearted attempt to reboot their entire universe. In my mind, the company misses the boat in more ways than one if they're trying to lure in readers who have never thought to pick up a comic book before. Case in point with this particular issue: there are seven characters on the cover of this comic book, yet only three actually appear, and one doesn't show up until the very end. Geoff Johns wants to present the first installment of a longer story, I'm sure, but if the uninitiated fan finds this cover intriguing when they see it in the supermarket, while visiting Barnes & Noble or walking by the newsstand, won't they be disappointed by the fact that less than half the characters he or she figures are promised on the cover actually show up? Heck, if someone decides to download the DC Comics or Comixology app for their iPad just to try this out, I'd wonder if they would think the endeavor was worth it.

8. All of the superhero talk comes courtesy of the fact that I'm currently reading Grant Morrison's Supergods, which is really fascinating in how well he deconstructs the characters from their infancy to today. Also, I just really like superheroes.

9. It's slow going through that book, though, since I'm currently climbing a mountain of grading. I hope to reach a summit of some kind by next week, at which point I'll make grades public through School Loop.

10. In other news, the Blu-ray edition of the Star Wars movies will hit shelves next week, and George Lucas can't seem to leave well enough alone as he's gone and added a bunch of unnecessary changes to something he added a bunch of unnecessary changes to the last two times he's released it for public consumption that used to be perfectly fine on its own. One of the big changes occurs in Return of the Jedi, where Darth Vader used to let his actions speak for themselves. Instead, now we get this.

That's just ridiculous.

The 60 Sixties Party

My dad turned 60 over the weekend, and my mom threw him a Sixties themed party -- not in the number sense but in the hippies and tie-dye sense. We had a great time and, as you can see, enjoyed getting into the spirit of things. My mom said that I looked like someone she would have met in high school, which means that my attire for the evening was a success.

Frosh
Blogspot allows users to view certain stats, such as page views, referral links and web search keywords that lead to the user's particular blog. In the close to two years that I've maintained this blog, no post has come close to the number of page views as the one that I wrote that mentions plot diagram. It's never made sense to me; the picture that accompanies that post isn't unique to my page since I nabbed it from someone else on the Internet. Also, I can't help but wonder how many people must be disappointed when they do a search for "plot diagram graphic organizer" and discover that the extent to what they can find consists of just those words and the idea that it was assigned on a Thursday. That can't be too helpful to prospective educators. Maybe I'll include a link once I update School Loop later this week.

Anyway, besides a cheap ploy for more page views on a different post, all of that is roundabout way of saying that we finished our notes on the Elements of Plot this past Monday.

Tuesday, you received a day to annotate your Animal Farm books. While my chief concern is that everyone find a way to annotate their books that best works for them, do your best to have at least something on each page. Granted, that might not always happen, but make the effort, especially considering the book is so short, it shouldn't be hard to find notable ideas throughout the novel. Also, you're responsible for noting the climax of the story with a stickie note. Those annotations are due on Wednesday, August 31.

Meanwhile, you read through The Most Dangerous Game this past Wednesday and Thursday. Once you finished, you were responsible for filling out the Plot It Out graphic organizer.

Friday, we came together as a class and discussed specific events that contributed to the rising action, and everyone did a great job in identifying moments where the tension increased, which is the whole point of rising action in the first place. Noting the climax of the story was a little more difficult, although I was impressed the number that correctly named Rainsford jumping off the cliff as the correct moment. Keep in mind that a climax will not take place anywhere in the first half of a traditionally plotted story. Following that powwow, I handed out the Animal Farm discussion questions. You'll need to plan out your responses for the class discussion on Tuesday and Wednesday so that you can earn points.

Finally, don't forget the Animal Farm re-test on Monday, August 29!

Seniors
Monday, you turned in the ethical dilemma questions and we spent the period discussing your answers. These are supposed to be difficult choices, so going for the easiest loophole doesn't quite get anyone off the hook. But emphasizing that to everyone as a class is part of what makes that discussion so fun for me as a teacher.

You received an overview of the lit project on Tuesday, and we spent the period discussing the expectations as well as the book choices. Remember that the lit project takes up roughly 60% of the semester grade, and it's a project that's broken up into smaller chunks over the course of the entire semester.

Wednesday and Thursday were focused on the first set of lit terms, listed below.

1. analogy
2. theme
3. hyperbole
4. syntax
5. foil
6. alliteration
7. oxymoron
8. stereotype
9. pun
10. sarcasm
11. satire
12. imagery
13. diction
14. allusion
15. style
16. tragedy
17. motif
18. personification
19. metaphor
20. paradox

Your test on these terms will be on Wednesday, August 31 and will follow a matching format. If you wrote down and studied the definitions given in class, you will be prepared. These are ideas and concepts for which you should attempt to find examples over the course of reading your lit project books and doing so can go a long way in your attempts to annotate that novel.

Additionally, I handed out the collection of due dates for the lit project on Thursday and only managed one typo for the entire document. This bit of planning is always the part of the year I dread because I really have to focus my attention the calendar to make sure that I'm not overwhelming the students nor overwhelming myself with my own grading deadlines. I'm hoping the changes Ms. Windt and I have implemented this year help everyone in that regard.

Friday, you received a short history of Socrates, Plato and Aristotle. I don't think our discussion went particularly well during class as not too many folks were participating and I felt slightly scatterbrained during our reading, so I hope our subsequent days focused on Plato's Allegory of the Cave go a bit better. Please make sure to read the rest of that sheet so that we may review the ideas on Monday, August 29.

UFC Rio

Due to injuries and an effort to build up the bantamweight and featherweight divisions, UFC 134 is the highest profile card the promotion has put on all summer with a triple whammy of main and semi-main event fights. The reason for the stacked card is simple: this is the UFC's first trip to Brazil in over a decade. For as much time as ten years is, it might as well be the first time the company has ever been to the country, and it's definitely the first show under the auspices of Zuffa, LLC, who bought UFC back in 2001. The country is rabid for this show, and booking an arena that holds 14,000 people as opposed to a giant soccer stadium that holds 100,000 was a big mistake. Hopefully, Dana White will fix that with the next go-round in a year and the fans will be just as ready for that show, too. Joe Silva has booked the card the way the company normally approaches a Canadian or British show, making all but one of the matches feature a native Brazilian taking on what the attendants will view as an evil foreigner.

Luiz Cane vs. Stanislav Nedkov - Cane has had his ups and downs since losing to Li'l Nogueira while I know nothing about Nedkov outside of the fact that he's Bulgarian, undefeated and making his debut with UFC. It's really a coin flip as far as predictions are concerned, so I'll be nice and pick Luiz Cane to win by decision.

Ross Pearson vs. Edson Barboza - This fight looks pretty tough for Pearson, whose claim to fame as the winner of The Ultimate Fighter lost some luster with a defeat to Cole Miller last year. Barboza, meanwhile, is an undefeated prospect who has really flashy stand-up. The Brazilian has a wider array of strikes than the Brit, and neither guy has great wrestling, so I only see this going to the ground if Pearson gets desperate. That'll be made even tougher as Barboza has devastating leg kicks, defeating two separate opponents via TKO that way. I suspect Pearson will suffer the same fate and Barboza to win by TKO late in the second round.

Brendan Schaub vs. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira - While anything can happen in the fight game -- just ask Tito Ortiz -- the booking of this fight seems pretty mean. Nogueira is the hometown boy and former UFC Heavyweight Champion, but he's been out for 18 months since getting knocked out by Cain Velasquez. The layoff has more to do with his accumulation of other injuries that had nothing to do with his two minute performance against the current heavyweight champ. His back has its issues, and he's coming back now after surgery on both knees followed by dual hip surgery. Big Nog is only 35 yet looks like he's in his fifties due to the amount of punishment he's taken over his long career. The guy is banged up is what I'm saying.

His opponent, however, is a young prospect with a lone loss on his record who has been running through most of his opponents with relative ease. Brendan Schaub has one decision win in his career, and that's a fight that he clearly dominated until the last ten seconds of the final round. Those ten seconds revealed a weakness that Nogueira can exploit, as Schaub's ground game appears pretty weak. However, getting Schaub to the ground may be easier said than done. Plus, Schaub is a really good striker, and it doesn't appear that Nogueira's chin is as cracked up as it used to be if the loss to Velasquez is any indication.

And that's what makes this fight seem sad. Antonio Nogueira's career has fewer fights ahead of it than behind, and while he could pull a Tito Ortiz level upset against Brendan Schaub, smart money says that won't happen. Schaub will probably win by KO in the first, but I very well might be overselling the extent to which Nogueira is truly shot and reports of his MMA demise could be greatly exaggerated.

Mauricio "Shogun" Rua vs. Forrest Griffin - The first fight between both of these former UFC Light Heavyweight Champions is important for the sake of history and showing how far each fighter has progressed since the initial outing. Shogun Rua debuted in the UFC as a heavy favorite against Forrest Griffin at UFC 76, touted as the number one LHW in the world due to his dominance in Pride. As with a lot of fighters who make it big in Japan, Rua showed some really glaring weaknesses in the fight in his questionable gas tank and proclivity for injuries. Meanwhile, Griffin, my wife's favorite fighter, demonstrated two of his trademarks: deep stamina and tremendous heart. Forrest Griffin is a guy that fights until someone is knocked out -- it doesn't matter if he's the one on the canvas or his opponent. Sure, he'll take a submission, but his chief concern (as long as he's gotten at least one win under his belt for the year, as Griffin stated after his win against Rich Franklin) is to trade with his opponent because he likes punching people in the face even if it means he has to take a few shots in return. Rua came out strong in the first round, like he normally does, but he became tired and Griffin eventually upset Shogun with a rear naked choke submission late in the final round. Shogun then took a year and a half off due to knee problems.

In the four years since that fight, both guys have won and lost the UFC Light Heavyweight Championship, and both have taken extended periods of time off due to injury. More than anyone, though, Shogun Rua has a tendency to come back too soon from his injuries, usually making them worse in the long run. Besides the time he took off after fighting Forrest Griffin, Rua also took almost a year off following his rematch with Machida where he won the championship. In both instances, the first fight back (against Mark Coleman and Jon Jones, respectively) after the extended layoff saw Shogun have a really have a tough time with his cardio. Rua insists that he wasn't injured going into the Jones fight but merely got hurt early and never recovered. Does that mean he's 100% going into his fight with Forrest? It's hard to say, but considering his attitude, I wouldn't be surprised if Rua still has lingering injury issues.

Whatever the state of Shogun, I expect a really exciting first round from both guys since Forrest is a gamer and especially if a first round is all Rua has to offer. I'm rooting for Forrest because I love watching the guy fight and I also know that it's the safest call to make in my household considering how much my wife loves the guy. Forrest will take the win by decision, but with the caveat that I wouldn't be surprised if Rua pulls an Anderson Silva-like knockout against him, too.

Yushin Okami vs. Anderson Silva (c) for the UFC Middleweight Championship - Speaking of the champ, Anderson Silva finally gets his rematch against the guy who last managed to secure a victory against him when he faces Yushin Okami. At least, that's how many people are hyping the fight, and that is how it looks on paper. Only Silva lost via DQ after throwing an illegal kick and Okami had trouble recovering. Silva has hinted that Okami exaggerated his condition at the time and could have continued but was too afraid. The infamous Chael Sonnen, Yushin's training partner for the fight, insists that Anderson threw the kick intentionally hoping to gain a better position upon the separation for it. Granted, everything Chael Sonnen says should be taken with a truckload of salt, which is one of the things that makes him so great.

Anderson Silva and Yushin Okami are the yin to each other's yang. Where Anderson Silva is one of the most exciting fighters to watch (when he's motivated), watching Yushin Okami fight is akin to watching grass grow over drying paint. He's the worst. Oftentimes, an Okami fight is actually a detriment to me wanting to watch a show because he goes for the clinch, eventually manages a takedown and then proceeds to pepper his opponent with just enough shots so as not to get stood up. Okami is more of a "fight not to lose" competitor than Georges St. Pierre, and like the middleweight champ, he's enough of a great wrestler to make that the case more often than not.

But this is Anderson Silva we're talking about, right? He's the pound for pound greatest fighter in the world, the guy with the most wins ever in the UFC, not to mention the longest winning streak and most championship defenses! AND STEVEN SEGAL HAS GIVEN HIM SUPER ZEN CHAI TEA LATTE POWERS OF KICKING! Apparently. But I wrote something back in February when referring to the holes Chael Sonnen revealed in Anderson Silva's game that went thusly: "He's susceptible to the takedown, and while Silva is adept at finding a submission off his back, a fighter who can avoid or defend said submissions has a strong chance of beating the premiere middleweight in the UFC." If that doesn't describe Yushin Okami to a captial T, I don't know what does. Okami isn't the wrestler that Chael Sonnen is, but few people are, and unlike Sonnen, Okami won't choke in the last two minutes of the round and leave himself open to a triangle.


That is why this is a dangerous fight for Silva and, shock of shocks, he could lose a boring decision...in front of his countrymen, no less, possibly killing the territory for the UFC in the process. And, honestly, I kind of want to pick Okami because it'll make me look really smart, which would be pretty cool. However, Anderson Silva is going to be the champ for as long as his speed and reflexes hold up. Silva will TKO Okami in the third round.

Ode to My Wife

As I get ready to publish this particular entry, it's my lovely wife's birthday. She's a great lady whose company I am lucky to have on a daily basis. Angela is a beautiful woman, and she makes me a better man. She endures all of my nonsense, from cartoons to superheroes to cartoon superheroes, and even engages in some of my weirder obsessions like my love for UFC. My wife is a compassionate, empathetic, loving, gorgeous, crazy cool chick that always keeps me on my toes. Without her, my life would be much emptier.


Frosh
On Monday, we went over the class syllabus and policies for the classroom.

Tuesday, the modified dialectical journals were due. All of the journals will take awhile to grade, so try to keep that in mind when wondering when you'll see those returned. You also took the test on Animal Farm that didn't go so well. Ms. Windt and I are doing our best to see where everyone stands, and we made the mistake of giving you a test that focused more on analysis than whether or not you read, the latter of which was our purpose. Just like you students, teaching itself is a learning process. The plan is to regroup and try again testing-wise next Monday, August 29, this time with a test that focuses on more objective goals.

Wednesday, we made a trip to the library and started taking notes on the different elements of plot. Pay attention to many of these terms as you can apply them while annotating.

We discussed annotation and how to approach it on Thursday. For some of you, this was review, but you'll be applying this idea throughout the school year and your time in the honors program at ALHS. Don't lose the bookmark; it's a valuable tool to focus you any time you read.

Friday, you received the period to annotate.

Seniors
Monday, we discussed the quotes that everyone chose to exemplify their personal philosophy. Many of you clearly put some thought into your choices. My suggestion is to memorize at least one quote over the course of your life so you can use it at a social gathering to impress friends and acquaintances. Never underestimate the implementation of a good quote at an opportune time.

On Tuesday, you wrote down your own definition of philosophy and your thoughts on the distinction between ethics and morals. From there, we started discussing the three ideas so that we came to a consensus of understanding in the class. For the record, philosophy is the love or study of wisdom while morals deal with feelings of what constitutes good and bad and ethics focus on the actions that are good and bad. This is by no means the be-all and end-all definition of any of the three ideas, but it's a suitable foundation for the class. We began discussing essentialism and relativism but our the bell postponed that for another day.

We finished discussing essentialism and relativism on Wednesday so that you could begin the ethical dilemma questions and made a trip to the library. Remember that essentialism means that there is a line where one can measure right and wrong; the line never changes and anyone in the past who fell on the wrong side of the line was wrong. Relativism posits that right and wrong is completely dependent on the culture and era of the time period and location.

Thursday focused on giving you time to work on the above-mentioned questions.

I was gone on Friday, and you wrote a writing sample.

Book 26 of 2011

After a weekend trip away for my wife's birthday, I finished reading this the day we got home.

26) Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs
There are a number of ways to describe the plot of the book, as it borrows some familiar tropes from an array of different well-known series. It's two parts X-Men with a little Harry Potter, factored in with a little Chronicles of Narnia, set around World War II, all meant to eventually lay itself out as a longer form series. Additionally, Ransom Riggs employs a cool gimmick of utilizing found photographs, some of which have been slightly altered to further the purposes of the story, but all of which are, to borrow a phrase, peculiar.

It's been one week.

And like that, your first week is finished. Usually, I reserve this space for a short little ditty that I find interesting on any particular day, but we're getting back into the swing of things together, blogging about class happenings included. However, I will use this spot to plug a few things that hopefully grab your attention.

One, my Twitter feed is located to the right and when I'm not using it to make lame jokes or observations, the daily agenda will take up a lot of the timeline. Since keeping track of the agenda is worth a point per day, this is a great place to catch up on it should you ever be absent from class.

Second, you can "like" Mr. Talbot at Alta Loma High School on Facebook if you so desire. Look, I know it's lame to declare your "like" for a teacher in a public forum on the Internet, but I urge you to do so not because you actually do like me or the class yet. Do it instead because I post the link to all of the blog posts through the page; that way you don't have to constantly check the blog itself and a new entry's presence will just announce itself to you by way of your regular presence on the Facebook. Or don't. Ultimately, it's up to you.

Finally, Jon Morris has launched a new project called DC Fifty-TOO! that begins on Monday, August 15, leading up to the relaunch of DC Comics' latest big project, which I discussed over the summer. He's gathered a bunch of different cartoonists to do their own take on the DC Universe if they were given carte blanche to reboot the various series and characters. I'm really excited to see what comes out of this, moreso than the actual DC reboot since the latter has been either nonsensical or underwhelming save the idea of Grant Morrison getting a shot at building the Superman mythos from the ground up.

Frosh
Tuesday was the first day of school. I learned a little bit about you, and you learned a little bit about me. This is what's known as "building a foundation.

The administration decided to make a few changes and created a brand new fourth period on Wednesday. I asked you to look around the room and find something that caught your eye. You, in turn, described the object and then analyzed it for what it says about me as a teacher or the class overall while avoiding use of first person. Additionally, everyone came up with two facts about themselves and one plausible lie, and the class tried to determine which was which to varying degrees of success. Also, a few students should try to keep in mind the idea of "plausible," since being eight feet tall or Batman doesn't really fit that definition.

Thursday, you gave me a writing sample, and Friday you completed the Brigance and Botel assessments. Both of these were attempts to figure out where you stand at the current moment. Anything you weren't able to finish on these two days will be completed on Monday.

Seniors
On Tuesday, we did our introductions and I got an idea of some of the things you like.

Wednesday, we began reading This is Water by David Foster Wallace, discussing the speech at various points. Throughout the year and during the lit project, I'll be referring back to this piece as a means to remind you of your ability to choose. You get to choose what's important in your life and how important it is to you. Acknowledging your ability to do so is vital when determining things like theme and symbolism, so I hope you remember Wallace's speech while attempting your best analysis. I also assigned the quote assignment, urging you to focus more on the interpretation than the quote itself, since I care more about the words you write than the ones someone else has already written.

We finished This is Water on Thursday, and I asked you to write a short paragraph discussing your interpretation of the big idea to take away from it.

Friday, you turned in your quote assignment and we discussed the class overview as well as the Rules, Policies and What Not sheet I passed out to you the day before. We'll take another stab at discussing the quotes on Monday.

Enjoying & Improving

"If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." 

- E.B. White

The world is such a vast and wonderful place that is full of disappointment and misery, that the dichotomy between the two extremes often makes it hard to function. Thankfully, I've chosen a career that allows me to experience both ends of the spectrum, and keeping this blog allows me to detail the constant struggle of how I plan my day.

Enjoying the World
Besides my review of Captain America, I never finished up discussing the rest of my upcoming summer movie choices. Of the three left, Transformers: Dark of the Moon and Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 earned my dollars, while Cowboys & Aliens managed to pass me by. From the two I saw, the latter far outclassed the former, but who didn't see that coming? At the same time, it feels unfair to compare the two movies as they are in such different leagues despite being effect-driven blockbusters where extraordinary things happen every few seconds.

The Potter franchise, due to the connection with the books, has a heart and soul that big clunky robots that appear to be made out of random assortments of jagged metal could never have, especially considering that the closest thing to heart in a Transformers movie is a fart joke. While easier to follow than the previous sequel, Transformers is clunky, loud and way too long. Meanwhile, Potter manages to close out the series in a fashion suiting an eighth movie of an extremely long, albeit uneven, narrative. Captain America won the summer movie competition, with Potter and Thor trailing close behind.

Improving the World

Jim True-Frost plays Mr. Roland
Pryzbylewski on The Wire.

Last year, I continued my habit of being late to parties by finishing up season one of The Wire going into the beginning of the school year, and it's only appropriate that I finished the fourth and am just over halfway through the fifth season of the show as we start the academic calendar. Also appropriate? Each season focuses on a different section of a (sort of) fictional version of Baltimore and its corrupt systems while exploring the destruction of an American city. The first season focused on the drug trade and police, the second on the dock workers and their unions, the third shifted over to politics and real estate, and the fifth explores the media.

The fourth season that I recently completed watching still has a finger in the political pie, but the main focus is on the schools. Former cop Mr. Prezbo takes up teaching math in an urban middle school, bound and determined to make a difference only to find that the system in place prevents too much substantive change from taking place. Prez struggles to work within the confines of a broken patchwork of educational landmines and makes many of the same mistakes that first-year teachers always make.

This year, I'm taking on something completely new in teaching Frosh Honors English, and while I've gained plenty of experience going into my eighth year at ALHS, the fear that I'll fall into old habits or won't live up to the expectations of others constantly gnaws away at me. But I'm also hopeful that I can make an impact on a brand new set of students. As a product of Alta Loma High School's GATE program, there's a lot to live up to in my own mind. My ultimate goal is always to improve in some small way on my effectiveness as a teacher compared to last year. Living up to that goal this year will be difficult because I'm on a different stage.

As a goals go, it's lofty and vague (I'll get into some more specific goals later in the week), but it'll do for now.

Ten on Tuesday

Here's the old Batman Comment
Key wall, prior to it falling into disrepair.

1. Most of last week and a majority of this week is all about getting my class room ready for the onslaught of students come August 9. This means that I get to unpack all of the books and make my desk look like my desk again. It's also high time that I redo or update my "teacher walls," since it's been a few years since I initially committed to putting some thought into them. Most teacher walls feature a collection of student work or are based on a specific piece of literature. I decided to instead make them a reflection of myself since I'm a narcissist and a few students each year say they look cool. My Spider-Man wall is largely intact, as it features motivational frames of Marvel superheroes that my wife found at a .99 cent store. However, the Batman wall with my comment key and the Brave Times based News Flash wall are both getting makeover. I'll post pictures when everything is complete.

2. Spider-Man (the dog) achieved a milestone today by staying in the house alone for an extended period of time. Besides our dog being the normal, everyday jerk that he is also appears to suffer from this weird separation anxiety, the origin of which I couldn't begin to explain to anyone. He just tends to freak out if either myself or Angela leaves and he's aware of it. To combat these howling episodes since we moved into our house, Spider-Man (the dog) goes outside whenever we leave the premises. It's an attitude held over from our apartment living days; in both places where we lived with Spider-Man (the dog), we've received letters from management about his howling. Granted, it was one time (from each place), but it lead us to do whatever we could to prevent the world from ending. Home ownership has chilled everyone out, our dog included, it seems. I left him twice today: once for about two hours while I went to get my car serviced, and the second time when I went to work and then the gym afterward. Nothing was destroyed nor were there any accidents upon my return. He did, however, refuse to leave my side the rest of the night, much to the amusement of my wife.

3. My general rule of thumb is to keep up with two books at the same time, one physical book and another on my iPad. I recently finished The Bell Jar for my physical book and am still working my way through A Clash of Kings, the second thousand page entry in the Song of Ice and Fire series. The problem is that I don't know what physical book to read next, despite having plenty of options to choose from at home. Something light would be nice, prior to the school year beginning.

4. Instead of doing a full rundown on the absolutely cursed UFC 133 card, I'll just say that my brain says Rashad Evans will win but my heart is rooting for Tito Ortiz. This is a combination of Rashad being hateable in every way since he's trying to garner sympathy for himself despite being the one that chose to sit out a year and a half in order to avoid the position he's currently in and Tito being on a roll having beaten Ryan Bader at UFC 132. It might also have to do with the fact that Tito winning at the last pay per view allowed me to cash in on a little wager while attending the show in Las Vegas, so the Huntington Beach Bad Boy did me a solid. The least I can do is back his play against Rashad.

5. In the pages of Ultimate Comics Spider-Man this week, we find that the newest character to take on the mantle of the webslinger is Miles Morales, a fellow of mixed race heritage (Hispanic/African-American descent to be exact). This is pretty cool, and the impetus for it started last year when Donald Glover, from NBC's Community, started a Twitter campaign to cast himself in the role of Peter Parker in The Amazing Spider-Man. While Sony went with Andrew Garfield, Glover's idea of an African-American Spider-Man does raise some interesting questions. What in Spider-Man's make up as a character makes him white? Except for the fact that Stan Lee and Steve Ditko originally chose him to be white, nothing does. He's a poor orphan living with his aunt in urban New York. Describe someone with those qualities nowadays and Peter Parker is the last person that would come to mind. Add to the fact that Spider-Man's costume covers him from head-to-toe, unlike Batman or Superman, and it allows anyone to envision themselves as Spidey, which is an important aspect of the character. I have a near complete run of Ultimate Spider-Man, and this news has me really excited to see where the story takes him.

6. Qdoba always feels like a much lighter meal than Chipotle.

7. My iMac currently runs on 1GB of RAM, so I'm contemplating purchasing some more (4GB) and installing it myself. While I'm very Internet savvy, I've never been too tech savvy, so I hope that YouTube video I saw showing the step-by-step process of how to make the switch doesn't steer me wrong.

8. The toughest part about going back to school is trying to get my sleep schedule back under control.

9. That CM Punk shirt I was so hyped up about before is now available for pre-order, and I'm wondering if I should buy that instead of the RAM for my computer. THESE ARE ACTUAL THINGS THAT I CONTEMPLATE!

10. Unfortunately, while CM Punk and his shirt are still the best in the world, WWE pretty much did what they always do and caused me to lose interest in the angle. It's too bad, too, since Summerslam is taking place at the Staples Center on August 14.

The Bourne Education

Matt Damon is pretty great. He flew down to the SOS March on Washington this past Saturday, where other notables like Diane Ravitch also spoke, and gave a stirring speech protesting the Obama administration's ed policies pushing for standardized testing. Here's a video of his speech followed below by the transcript taken from the Washington Post's school blog, The Answer Sheet.

"I flew overnight from Vancouver to be with you today. I landed in New York a few hours ago and caught a flight down here because I needed to tell you all in person that I think you’re awesome.
I was raised by a teacher. My mother is a professor of early childhood education. And from the time I went to kindergarten through my senior year in high school, I went to public schools. I wouldn’t trade that education and experience for anything.

I had incredible teachers. As I look at my life today, the things I value most about myself — my imagination, my love of acting, my passion for writing, my love of learning, my curiosity — all come from how I was parented and taught.

And none of these qualities that I’ve just mentioned — none of these qualities that I prize so deeply, that have brought me so much joy, that have brought me so much professional success — none of these qualities that make me who I am ... can be tested.

I said before that I had incredible teachers. And that’s true. But it’s more than that. My teachers were EMPOWERED to teach me. Their time wasn’t taken up with a bunch of test prep — this silly drill and kill nonsense that any serious person knows doesn’t promote real learning. No, my teachers were free to approach me and every other kid in that classroom like an individual puzzle. They took so much care in figuring out who we were and how to best make the lessons resonate with each of us. They were empowered to unlock our potential. They were allowed to be teachers.

Now don’t get me wrong. I did have a brush with standardized tests at one point. I remember because my mom went to the principal’s office and said, ‘My kid ain’t taking that. It’s stupid, it won’t tell you anything and it’ll just make him nervous.’ That was in the ’70s when you could talk like that.
I shudder to think that these tests are being used today to control where funding goes.

I don’t know where I would be today if my teachers’ job security was based on how I performed on some standardized test. If their very survival as teachers was based on whether I actually fell in love with the process of learning but rather if I could fill in the right bubble on a test. If they had to spend most of their time desperately drilling us and less time encouraging creativity and original ideas; less time knowing who we were, seeing our strengths and helping us realize our talents.

I honestly don’t know where I’d be today if that was the type of education I had. I sure as hell wouldn’t be here. I do know that.

This has been a horrible decade for teachers. I can’t imagine how demoralized you must feel. But I came here today to deliver an important message to you: As I get older, I appreciate more and more the teachers that I had growing up. And I’m not alone. There are millions of people just like me.

So the next time you’re feeling down, or exhausted, or unappreciated, or at the end of your rope; the next time you turn on the TV and see yourself called “overpaid;” the next time you encounter some simple-minded, punitive policy that’s been driven into your life by some corporate reformer who has literally never taught anyone anything. Please know that there are millions of us behind you. You have an army of regular people standing right behind you, and our appreciation for what you do is so deeply felt. We love you, we thank you and we will always have your back."

Book 25 of 2011

I finished this one at home prior to getting ready to attend a party.

25) The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Due to the whole English teacher thing, people react with astonishment when I tell them that I haven't read certain books. There's an undercurrent of malice laced in with said astonishment which I attribute to the fact that whatever book in question is near and dear to the person's heart. "You haven't read WHATEVERSOMESUCHBOOK?! And you call yourself a teacher?" Most of the time I chuckle at their indignation and respond with some cliche about nobody being perfect because I'm not. Books exist to be read, whether that's prior to a stupid conversation or not doesn't matter. The Bell Jar has always been one of those books.

And having read it now, it's pretty great.

The Sentinel of Liberty

My wife and I were also Captain and Mrs. Captain
America before such things were cool. (Halloween 2009)

Remember when I said that Thor was a great movie and that Chris Evans would have a tough time edging out the performance Chris Hemsworth delivers? Well, Captain America: The First Avenger is the BEST movie and Chris Evans does it.


When you look at the character of Steve Rogers, there are a number of things to admire. The one that always stood out to me is that he makes me forget about the petty nonsense that bogs down this country time and again. He isn't dictated by party lines and doesn't attempt to support one side over the other. Instead, Captain America attempts to showcase what makes the United States great. Where Superman represents the human ideal, Cap always represents the American ideal. 


Steve Rogers is a good man who strives to be better despite the fact that he's physically incapable. To any kid that was scrawny or weak (Me, I'm looking at you.), that is relatable. Chris Evans, who doesn't quite fit that bill of scrawny or weak if someone has ever happened to catch him in anything he's ever done, masterfully pulls off the pipsqueak part thanks to healthy dose of CGI. But there's a vulnerability and strength that's a difficult part to pull off, both in the before of being a strong-willed weakling and the after of confident and idealistic hero, especially considering Evans has to become someone that is inspiring, authoritative and carries a wealth of experience by the end of the film before he goes off to lead the Avengers. He hits every note perfectly, though, and it filled me with joy. I haven't smiled this much during a movie since The Incredibles.


There are three things that I really feel it's important to note, and the third might be a slight spoiler for the end of the film if you're at all unfamiliar with the Captain America mythos.


First, the unsung hero of the film is Stanley Tucci and his performance as Dr. Erskine. He's fatherly without being preachy and recognizes the true hero that Steve already is prior to getting the Super Soldier Serum. The way Tucci shows Erskine figure this out and relates the importance of remaining a good man to Steve shapes so much of what Captain America is about that his importance can't be undersold. His point alone really had me close to welling up.


Second, it's important to understand that Steve Rogers' preexisting virtue is what sets Captain America aside from every other Marvel Movie Universe character: Rogers doesn't need to gain super powers to become a hero because he already is one. He literally jumps on a live grenade to save the folks around him. There's a character in the army training scenes before he gets picked where the jerk keeps pushing Rogers around because, as many of the characters note, he's a bully. Hodgson is Tommy Lee Jones' pick for the project, but Erskine instead picks our boy without any kind of comeuppance coming his way. He shows up briefly later on in the film in Europe, and, for a moment, I thought how sweet it would be to see that guy get punched or even made to flinch by the newly awesome Captain America. It doesn't happen, and I'm really glad it didn't because that's another reason why Cap is a great man. He doesn't need to lower himself to that guy's level because he knows he could take that guy in a heartbeat, and, more importantly, he's better than that.


Finally, the ending is suitably tragic. There's always a hint of sadness surrounding any character study of Captain America because he's a man that lost everything and everyone he ever knew, a man out of time, and yet he continues to fight the good fight. Joe Johnson really hammers that home in Cap's final address and in the coda, which I expect will stick around through The Avengers.

Ten on Tuesday

Because I've desperately wanted to blog but lacked the focus to do so lately, I decided to steal an idea (while giving credit, mind you, so it's technically not stealing nor is it plagiarism but it's also easier to write steal than give this kind of long-winded explanation) that I saw an old college friend borrow from someone else (language alert on that last one). The original idea is to discuss ten things (on Tuesday) going on in my life as a means of catching up, but I'm just going to modify it to apply to ten things that I've done or been thinking about. Sure, most people will be reading this on Wednesday (if ever), and a Five on Friday idea would be much easier, but it's still technically Tuesday as I begin to write and Friday would be a much more difficult day to attempt this, which leads to number one.

1. Coming on the heels of our anniversary weekend trip to Las Vegas, the wife and I are headed out there for a truncated one night stay to show some friends how to do things up right. Never in my life did I expect to be the kind of person that could show Vegas newbies around town, but with our trips over the last few years coming about every six months, I guess it's time to accept that my wife and I are those people.

2. Aside from the time I spent lesson planning with Ms. Windt last month, today was one of the most productive of the summer. I replaced my car key battery, took Spider-Man (the dog) to get his vaccinations, saw Transformers: Dark of the Moon, got some quality reading time in, and went to the gym. This is what passes for accomplishment during the summer.

3. Spider-Man (the dog) has been having a bit of a rough time today due to said vaccinations or just the visit to the vet in general. Either way, dog vomit is annoying but also a great name for a hardcore punk band. He's fine now, thankfully.

4. Speaking of lesson planning, thanks to mine and Ms. Windt's foresight, we have the first four weeks of Frosh Honors English planned out. This is an amazing feat. Trust me.

5. A trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man leaked today. When it comes to comic book movies, I really try to give them the benefit of the doubt until their release, but so many things bug me (HAH!) about the choices Marc Webb and company are making for the film that I'm beginning to wonder if the director got the gig based solely on his name (See what I did there?). The costume hasn't wowed me mostly because I don't like the rounded off red section that remains disconnected from the belt, however, I understand the need to set the costume apart visually from the Raimi movies. I don't even mind that Sony has chosen to reboot a franchise whose last movie came out just four years ago. Despite the so-so box office returns, The Incredible Hulk was a short-term reboot that fixed and addressed the problems with the Ang Lee original. What kills me is the idea that we, the audience, have such short-term memories that they need to once again do another retelling of Spider-Man's origin. The same applies to the upcoming Superman reboot, Man of Steel. You know those "Previously on..." segments at the beginning of one hour dramas? That's how long it should take to tell the origin of any comic book character that's had a film in the past 25 years. Comic books have told interesting stories about superheroes for nearly 80 years now and have done so without needing to constantly spend a third or more of their content space devoted to the origin of the character.

6. CM Punk really is the Best Wrestler in the World right now, and I'm glad I spent money watching him put on a classic match at WWE Money in the Bank. I won't bore anyone by recapping his recent phenomenal storyline here; it's hard to appreciate if you're not a long-term fan. However, Punk's exit that night (a screencap of which I included) was one of the greatest in recent memory. By the by, if anyone knows a way to get me a copy of the shirt he wore to the ring for his match that night, I would really dig it. The current asking price for an XL on eBay has been in the neighborhood of $250, since it was a limited edition deal that was only available at the show in Chicago. But I figure the many people who will see this are industrious and/or richer than I am, so it never hurts to ask.

7. Why isn't there a Dunkin Donuts presence here in Southern California? Granted, not having access to yet another donut chain is probably good for my wallet and waistline, but I am a glutton for movie tie-ins, especially comic book movie tie-ins. After getting a Thor Big Gulp cup back in May, I assumed that 7-Eleven would handle all of my Marvel needs by handling the Captain America stuff, too. Then I could have a matching set of Avengers cups prior to the team finding their way to the big screen next summer. Unfortunately, Dunkin Donuts scored that particular license, and none exist in a 50 mile radius. Seriously, I looked. It doesn't help that the franchise still advertises in California, thus rubbing it in my face that I can never drink a Captain America Coolatta. I don't even know what a "Coolatta" is but if Captain America puts his name on it, then it can't be bad.

8. I also wanted to devote an entire entry to testosterone replacement therapy and it's use among UFC/MMA fighters, but I devote too much space to the latter subject on this blog as it is, so I'll just speak to the former here. It's cheating. Men that do genuinely need testosterone replacement therapy fall into two camps: those who are later along in life (usually in their late 40's to early 50's) and experience a genuine drop in their body's level of testosterone and those who have artificially boosted their level of testosterone through the use of steroids and damaged their endocrine system to the degree that they now need to bring their body's amount up to normal levels. If fighters fall into either of the two camps, they should no longer be professional fighters. Period. Here's what most people seem to forget about the use of steroids in mixed martial arts: they don't make a fighter stronger, granting an incredible Hulk-like physique. They aren't a super soldier serum that will suddenly make scrawny Steve Rogers into taller and buffer Captain America. A person taking steroids will not wake up with more muscles the next day or the next week. Steroids allow people to recover from workouts faster so they can workout more without the fatigue and muscle soreness associated with working out. It doesn't matter if a fighter tests positive for steroids on the day of their fight, as is the norm for testing with almost every state athletic commission these days. Should a fighter test positive on that day, that person is an idiot who didn't get the full use out of the steroids in the first place. Taking steroids during their training camp is where the benefit lies. This is why UFC should pay for truly random out-of-competition testing for their fighters as condition of the new health insurance the company has provided for them. Anyone who claims a need for therapeutic use should be shown the door, which sadly includes Chael Sonnen, a fighter I happen to enjoy a great deal.

9. Noticing gray hair in my beard is really cool because I feel like I'm one step closer to that distinguished professorial look I've always wanted to achieve. Next stop, corduroy jackets with suede elbow patches!

10. Man, Transformers: Dark of the Moon was an awful movie. However, Sam Witwicky's mom is still the most entertaining character in the entire franchise. Even if Shia LeBeef fails to return for the next one, I sure hope his parents make an appearance.

Book 24 of 2011

I finished this while on vacation in Las Vegas.

24) You Suck: A Love Story by Christopher Moore

This is a sequel to Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story, which I read a few weeks ago. There may be a few spoilers for the first book here, since a major event happens at the end of that one which heavily influences this second part.

With Jody having turned Tommy into a vampire, she creates a new set of problems for the very mismatched but sometimes adorable couple. They recruit a teenaged goth girl minion and her gay best friend, but save for a Smurf-like hooker, the rest of the characters stay the same.

The events of the story follow immediately from the first book and span the course of about three weeks compared to the three months of the predecessor. Right away, this created a disconnect because Moore wrote the first book in 1995 and this was published in 2007. Based off the references and technology used in this one, he's retroactively placed the first book in the future. While it shouldn't have, it really threw me off.

There appear to be some structural parallels between this vampires in San Francisco trilogy to the Back to the Future series. Bloodsucking Fiends was written independently of anything else with a coda that leaves the story open for a possible sequel but it largely works on its own. The same applies to the first installment of Marty McFly and Doc Brown's tale. Demand grows to the point that somebody greenlights a sequel, except the story is big enough to encompass two books in the case of Moore's characters and movies in the case of BttF. To save money and/or time, the two are made concurrently, but, as a result, the second in the series makes for a weaker story. Yes, Back to the Future II has some great moments and gave us hoverboards, but it never feels complete and tends to get sidetracked with reliving moments from the first movie. Look at it this way: I can always watch the original Back to the Future without any problem and call it a day. However, if I start watching part II, either on TV or DVD, then I better have part III on standby or else my day is going to feel unfinished and empty.

That was the problem I had with You Suck. Half of the book keeps wanting to relive and summarize the original, probably because Moore cashes in on the Twilight craze by writing a sequel to a twelve year old vampire book that few in the demographic read the first time around. Until I read Bite Me: A Love Story, I don't feel like my opinion of this particular part can feel fully formed.

That's What Cheese Said (or Happy birthday, America! Welcome to my heart attack!)

Back in March, I shared the transcendent experience of the YOUCANHASCHEESEBURGER. It is a delicacy that I haven't been able to get out of my mind since then. The problem is that my wife and I don't live in Portland and finding a food truck conglomerate like the one available there isn't something we're privy to here in the Inland Empire. Or I just haven't made a strong effort to look. Regardless, even when Angela and I have traveled to specialty burger joints (like Slaters 50/50 in Anaheim), there hasn't been a reasonable facsimile they offer.

Finally, my wife had enough. She makes a mean grilled cheese sandwich and always includes a tiny bit of garlic salt while readying the bread to make it her own. Angela said that if I could come up with a name for our version of the YOUCANHASCHEESEBURGER, then she'd make it for our inaugural Fourth of July Explodesavaganza.

"Can we put bacon on it?" I asked.

Yes.

"What about avocado? Avocado is so awesome."

Sure.

"And we'll get tomatoes?"

Of course.

I have the greatest wife in the world.

My Netflix time has been dedicated to watching episodes of The Office recently, so after some careful deliberation, the idea for That's What Cheese Said was born. Angela also decided to make mac & cheese in the slow cooker, which is what really makes this burger shine. Our friends brought over their baby to hang out for the barbecue, and Nick had the genius idea to include the mac & cheese with the burger. During that brief time it took to wolf this sucker down, nothing was wrong in the world. Diseases were cured, war ended and poverty was a thing of the past all for that short period where That's What Cheese Said went from the red disposable plate on our kitchen table down to my belly. It's such a rich and decadent experience, that for the benefit of our waistlines and hearts, Angela and I have decided that this should be a tradition, but only an annual tradition. Seriously, can you imagine eating this more than once a year? I would be happy, but there isn't enough gym time or cardio-kickboxing classes in the world available to counteract the effects.

When they left later that evening, Nick remarked, "Thanks for taking those years off the end of my life."

Eh, those are the years that usually suck anyway. I regret nothing.