What's a grown up?

Why is Chris Rock's body
half-destroyed by the waterslide?

"Remember when you were a kid and you thought there was such a thing as 'real grown ups'? You were crying because you got sent to your room and said, 'You know what? One day, I'm going to be a grown up and everything is going to make sense.' Then one day, you're 25 in the supermarket and the bag boy calls you sir. How did that happen?"

- Joe Rogan

At 31 years old, I'm often confronted with the fact that I am considered by most to be a grown up. This is an odd notion with which to contend because there are too many occasions where I feel the opposite. Sure, I have a career as a teacher, but my walls are covered with superhero decorations my wife and I bought at Party City. We pay our cable bill each month, but at least a third of our DVR is filled with cartoons, yet we don't have any kids at the moment. Far too much space in our house (MY WIFE AND I OWN A HOUSE!) is devoted to comic books, DVDs, CDs and video games. Yet, by most accounts, especially those of my students, I'm considered a grown up, and I'm definitely expected to act like one.

This idea is astronomically mind-blowing because the more I learn, the less I realize I know. We (the collective 'we' or the royal 'we,' in this case) come away with the idea that grown ups are the ones that know things, the ones that keep the world working and in order. Grown ups raise us and prepare us for the world. However, what no one tells anyone else, and what comedian Joe Rogan alludes to in the above quote, is that not a single person ever realizes they've become a grown up.

Allow me to pull the curtain back on the grown up experience for a second here. "Grown ups" are a figment of our youthful imagination. No one knows what they are doing and those that say they do are just smart enough to fake it. There is no such thing as a grown up. As much as I questioned myself as an adolescent, as a teenager or even as a little kid, wondering what it is I'm supposed to do with my life or when it will be that I will have it all figured out, I can honestly tell you that I am no closer now than I ever was then. Sure, I have some answers; marriage made sense to me because I found a wonderful lady, and over the course of time I started figuring out that paying bills, for instance, leads to the rest of my life being easier. But those answers only brought more questions and more concerns. Will my wife someday get tired of my antics? (Probably not, if she hasn't already.) Will the pressures of maintaining my preferred lifestyle weigh me down and prevent me from growing as a person? (Yikes, that's just a scary question to even ask.) No one has anything figured out to any degree of certainty, and that's something that makes life amazing and frightening. Everyone pretends to know the answer but that's only because they're too scared to admit that they have no idea what is going on. No one is excluded from this, either; me, your neighbor, the President of the United States and everyone else in between -- they're all in the same boat.

And the horizon? Holy jeez, folks, I'm planning to have kids one day. Figuring myself out and coming to terms with being a grown up is one thing, but trying to get somebody else prepared for a world I hardly understand but find to be insane and fascinating all at once is an entirely crazy proposition.

What's even crazier is that all of this came about not because I saw that terrible Adam Sandler movie but because my wife and I went to buy an oven this weekend. That's a decidedly grown up action and one that could only be mitigated by purchasing a new video game.

With that out of the way, let's take a look at last week's antics.

Frosh
For Monday through Thursday of last week, we focused our energy on Act II of Romeo & Juliet. These two crazy kids meet, fall in love, and get married in the space of about 12 hours, something that usually only happens in Las Vegas. Now, two questions remain. How will this affect everyone else in the play and what will the consequences be of their rash action? Here's a hint: poorly and death.

Friday, we moved forward.

Yesterday, you turned in your act II study guide and review. We assigned roles for act III and started reading it. The third act, and the first scene in particular, serve as a real turning point for the rest of the play. Things will go from largely comedic to incredibly tragic very quickly.

Seniors
Monday of last week, our guest from Everest College gave a presentation on professionalism for job interviews. Much of what she discussed consisted of common sense information, but it's always important to revisit and remember those ideas.

Tuesday through Thursday saw us finish Macbeth and see the titular bad guy foiled due to his own hubris and faith in the equivocal prophecies. Also, his head was chopped off, so that must have made an interesting 17th century visual on stage.

Friday, you worked on the Metaphor in Macbeth assignment dealing with Macbeth's lamentations on the meaninglessness of life. Keep that speech in mind as we enter our next unit on Albert Camus' The Stranger.

Yesterday, you turned in your act V paragraphs, received the final Macbeth paragraph assignment and began working on the Film Interpretation questions for the Polanski version of Macbeth. It was a busy day. Keep in mind that the questions will be due Monday, February 28 and the final paragraph is due Wednesday, March 2.

Skatescapades

Jealous...?

It sometimes amazes me that there are so many physical things for which I have the capacity to expand my talent and how much those same things can be completely useless. To wit, you'd never know it by looking at me, but I am a terrific roller skater. I'm okay using in-line skates, but my slap a pair of four wheel roller skates on my feet, and I take off like a man possessed, no matter the amount of time that's elapsed since I last tried my hand (or feet, as it were) at the matter. This because there used to be a Roller City skate rink where the Albertson's on Foothill and Vineyard now resides, and just about everyone I knew growing up, myself included, had at least one birthday party there. I honed my skills during those formative years, and it wouldn't surprise me if I would have an easier time riding around on some skates as opposed to trying to ride a bike again.

Like most things in my life, I have my wife to thank for skatescapades. A friend from back in her high school days had a 30th birthday party on Saturday at a roller rink. Coincidentally, the last time I skated was at Ms. Miller's 30th birthday party at a different roller rink. The morning of the event, I could barely contain my excitement to the point that I annoyed Angela with my own version of "Shake Your Booty" by KC and the Sunshine Band, replacing the word shake with skate. This was something that got very old, very fast. Regardless, I was on fire skating in that circle on Saturday. I knew in advance that I didn't even need to work out that morning because of the afternoon plans. During the entirety of the two hours, I only fell once as I attempted to spin to a stop coming out of a turn a little too fast. But my jeans didn't tear and I didn't bleed, so I got right back up and started again. There's a metaphor for life in there. Also, the birthday girl's husband is a bit of shutterbug, so he captured this awesome shot of me mugging for the camera...on skates.

I really think I missed my calling for being a server at Sonic.

Frosh
Last Tuesday, we picked up The Greek Gods from the library and began reading the first three chapters, which you then finished for the quiz that took place on Thursday. It's a no-frills book that provides some pertinent information about the Pantheon as well as several nature myths. Feel free to read ahead, but know that we will be reading portions of some of the stories in class.

Wednesday, we watched a video about the Greek Gods to allow you to figure out which mythological figures interested you the most for your research project. You turned in a page of notes on the video at the end of the period.

Thursday, you took a quiz on Zeus, Hera and Athena. We then discussed your mythology research project. This is the first time I'm doing this particular version of the mythology research project as I am adapting an assignment originally designed by Mrs. Batdorf. I look forward to seeing what you guys produce. Half of the grade depends on your presentation of your final product for which you have to dress up.

Friday, we moved forward.

Our plan for today and tomorrow is to go to the library where you will start your research on your mythological figure. The project is due November 29, and presentations will take place that day and November 30.

Seniors
We finished discussing theme statements on Tuesday and then tackled TLQ guidelines. This will be a pretty vital component to your culminating paper, so get used to utilizing this format.

Finally, after much deliberation, we began reading Beowulf on Wednesday. While we didn't get very far, those first few stanzas are a wonderful set up because the Hrothgar's subjects exemplify everything the Anglo Saxons are not, allowing Beowulf to really shine as the ultimate embodiment of a hero when he arrives. Keep in mind that we are not reading the Seamus Heaney version, nor is it the full text, so I encourage you to check those out if this interests you in the least because it's a fun story buried underneath all of that pesky literature.

On Thursday, you completed your fourth in-class timed writing and turned in your annotations and fourth Aritcle Selection.

For Friday, I informed you that I would not be collecting a revision for the fourth timed writing due to an abundance of factors coming together that we don't need to get into here. Suffice to say, we're both getting a break. You also used the period (and I mean that in the loosest possible terms) to work on your CD Creation project, which is still due Wednesday, November 10.

Today, we continue reading Beowulf and tomorrow, you'll receive the guidelines for the culminating paper.

The Other Dog

Hershey is a chocolate lab that my family welcomed into our home when I was a senior at Alta Loma High School. She came around in late February or early March of 1998, and, by process of elimination in  knowing how old she was at the time, everyone figured out that we shared the same birthday. Even if she wasn't born on exactly January 14, it was close enough that the family made it her official birthday. Because of that, and because she always seemed to like me just a little bit more than everyone else, Hershey and I have always shared as special a bond as a guy can have with the dog his parents bought as a way to compensate for said guy's impending departure for college. Even though I moved out a few months later (and came back and then moved out again and then came back and moved out for the last time after that), I always made sure to spend a little bit of time with her each time I went to visit my parents. She wags her tail every time I come around, although to be fair, she does that for everyone. But she did always rest her head in my lap and desperately wants to shake whenever she gets the opportunity.

Beamer & Hershey

When my mom added Beamer to the house, Hershey became the butt of more than a few jokes. Beamer is easier to train and always had more energy from the day he arrived. It got to the point that Hershey started to get the nickname of "the other dog" (i.e. the one that gets ignored). So I made it a point to ignore Beamer as much as possible (because I am spiteful towards animals for the sake of other animals), despite his attempts to wow me with his impressive six foot leaping ability, and focus on Hershey more. Again, she's a dog, but I could tell she always appreciated the effort.

Hershey isn't doing too well right now. She's having a hard time getting up and some x-rays this weekend revealed that a lot of the cartilage in her joints, specifically her hips and back, has worn away. I don't know how much longer she'll be around, but Angela and I made a special point to spend a little time with her on Sunday. She wagged her tail and put her head in my lap and pawed at me to shake and never wanted me to stop petting her belly.

She's a good dog.

Frosh
We continued reading The Most Dangerous Game on Wednesday and Thursday. Spoiler alert: the game is not Hungry, Hungry Hippos. Unfortunately, due to some discipline issues on Thursday, fourth period didn't get the chance to read as a class, instead choosing to get all of the talking amongst themselves as opposed to doing so as a class. I hope everyone enjoyed the ending because it really is a story that's entertaining and exciting. Who doesn't love a good chase sequence deep in the jungle that ends with a gigantic bearded man getting a knife to the chest? Now that I've typed that out, the story seems less school appropriate.

We moved forward on Friday (See what I did there?) with the little time that we had thanks to the rally schedule. Hopefully, many of you will see fit to check out the game on September 24. Also, I'm hoping that I get to meet many of your parents at the forthcoming Progress Report Card Night this Monday evening.

Seniors
There was quite the spirited discussion about what constitutes a "good" television show on Tuesday. One point I neglected to make, which I think is quite important in the realm of subjective quality discussions, is that there is a difference between something being objectively "good" and liking it. There are plenty of horrible television shows that I watch, some of which I even like. Jersey Shore is one; another is Entourage.  There are plenty of excellent shows out there that I either don't watch or downright dislike. While nothing of the latter comes to mind, I know that there are plenty of the former. The point is that taste is subjective and no one is wrong for liking something that might not be of the highest quality . . . except for people who watch Two and a Half Men. This relates to our time spent on Wednesday with Blues Traveler's song, "The Hook." We discussed it's subversive meaning and the fact that it's actually quite the bitter and angry ditty, despite it's upbeat tone.

For Thursday, we went over ethos, pathos and logos. For many of you, it was a review of a concept from last year, which is totally fine. Keep in mind that no one ever hurt themselves by learning too much about a single topic.

You took the second lit terms test on Friday. I'm going to do my best to make sure that those tests get into the grade book prior to Progress Report Card Night, which is Monday evening. Make sure to tell your parents to attend because I don't want to be too lonely.

White Weddings, Birthdays and New Hair Beginnings

The iPad is functional at weddings, barmitzvahs and
other religious ceremonies.

It figures that the weekend before my wife and I move into our first house that we'd have one of the busiest Saturday and Sunday combos in quite awhile.

Ask anyone in their mid-twenties to early thirties and they'll discuss at length their Summer of a Million Weddings: a period of time when it feels like a wedding happens every other weekend - all that changes is the level of involvement. My wife and I have been having this summer for the past three years. Between serving as a groomsmen, a bridesmaid, a best man, a maid of honor, or just attending as a guest, weddings have factored into our plans for the past few years now. There's only one more on the horizon that I can think of off the top of my head, and we're only expected to attend as guests. After that, I can't think of too many single friends that I have...period, which is odd now that I come to think of it.

Saturday was the most unique among these different wedding soirees as I put my Internet ordination to good use and actually officiated over the ceremony. It was short and sweet with the only hiccup coming by way of the bride getting confused about the hand on which the ring went. And, really, can that be considered a hiccup? My left, your left, her left? Who wouldn't get confused? The ceremony came by way of my iPad and the whole experience was both rewarding and incredibly fun.

The next day didn't really give us the chance to rest, as it was Angela's birthday. Since I am old and she wanted something small, we celebrated with friends and family at The Old Spaghetti Factory. She and I took some visiting friends over to see the soon-to-be-ours house, and that's where I made up my mind. See, moving is not fun, and I've done it so often over the past decade that I know the pitfalls inside and out. One thing that's completely necessary when switching domiciles is comfort. With that in mind, I made the decision that my long-ish hair needed to go, hence the newly shorn look I sported today. The regrets, I got none. It's hair, and male-pattern baldness was not nearly has harsh as I imagined it to be. Whenever I get the inclination again, I'll grow it out and be annoyed during the awkward stage. But right now I'm really enjoying the lack of pooled neck sweat. My only regret is that now the bobblehead made in my image is outdated.

Frosh
Both Friday and Monday were days that saw us go over Jane Schaffer essay terms together. Be prepared for the test next Wednesday (9/1).

Seniors
Friday, you provided a writing sample based off the Subject A writing entrance exam, the name of which I may have mangled in some fashion. Monday, we discussed the Senior Reading & Analytical Research Project, also known as the lit project. Make sure that you ask any questions you have about possible book choices sooner rather than later in order to allow you to start reading right away. There will be a book check on Tuesday, 9/7.

Rehearsals

I get to do this guy's job
on Saturday.

Happy birthday, Finbar.

Today I get to act in the official capacity of officiant for the first time at a friend's wedding rehearsal. The wedding itself is on Saturday, but today we're doing a run-through to make sure everyone knows where to stand. I've never performed a marriage ceremony before. In fact, I only used to joke about being ordained through an Internet church because I could talk a big game without ever needing to follow through on actually doing the deed. Then this couple called me out on it by asking me to be the man at their wedding. I'm a little nervous but mostly excited. Never before in my life have I looked at more wedding-related websites than I have in the preparation and build-up to this weekend...not even for my own. The ceremony is all written out and it's bride-approved. As long as I don't start a dry-heaving panic attack or faint due to the combination of heat and a black button-up shirt, everything should be coming up Milhouse. I imagine that I can't mess it up too bad, though, because they'll still be married at the end of the day.

Frosh
You worked to complete your life graphs and the accompanying sentences, which you then turned in at the end of the period. Good times, but work on the noise level next time, period four. Tomorrow we get to begin studying our essay writing terms.

Seniors
We had quite the lively discussion about the dilemma questions, some of which I would like to tweak next year just to make them more difficult. There's no wrong answers and yelling is always a plus during this particular discussion.

The First Day of School

The first day of a new school year never ceases to completely exhaust all of the energy I ever thought I had and then some. I am a character in a Street Fighter game and the bar is filled with red because my opponent, the school day, beat me from pillar to post.

Frosh
Objective: Having named their favorite pop culture icon, A S W explain their fascination with said pop icon.

Third period saw me attempt to learn everyone's name on the first day. In year's past, this was not a problem. Each time someone new was introduced, I would repeat every student's name, ending with the latest addition. However, the class size increase this year caused me to kill all of the time in the class period by attempting to do that and find out some information about everyone. As a result, not everyone got a chance to introduce themselves. I managed to learn from this faux pas for the rest of the day.

Senior
Objective: Having named their favorite pop culture icon, A S W explain their fascination with said pop icon.

A student in sixth period asked me to identify my worst English experience ever. This had never occurred to me before, and I still can't think of a single experience that I can name as the worst ever. Don't get me wrong, there have been plenty of bad experiences, both as a student and a teacher, but I've just never thought to rank them. Color me intrigued and inspired, and look for a future entry based on this idea, hopefully contrasted with one that can display the best experience, too.

So long, Class of 2010

While this blogging deal fell by the wayside as I finished my Master's degree and became embroiled in the logistical and grading nightmare that is the end of the school year, I still feel that reflecting on the year is a valuable practice...even if it happens two months after the fact.